Warm welcome to Leo! Story of his first separation from his mummy.
One fine day, Leo and his mother Evi arrived at our turquoise group (Gruppe Türkis). Marie-Christine, the group’s key person, greeted them warmly. It might sound simple but the greeting itself served as a ritual to Leo. His mum and him had been coming for a few days and Marie-Christine was the person regularly welcoming them to the group. The familiarity of her voice and greeting were now becoming a ritual for Leo. Rituals provide children a sense of security and trust.
Nearby his mother Evi, Leo was placed on a play mat with toys. For the last few days, Marie-Christine had selected specific kind of toys for Leo’s developmental stage, e.g. a grip ball that could be held easily, which he favoured among others. At this stage, Leo had not started to play with others yet. Instead, he enjoyed grabbing and putting items in his mouth.
During Leo’s settling-in period, the primary focus was not to have a play session with Marie-Christine, but rather on mutual interaction at the right time. This usually consisted of eye contact, communication or exploring toys. The wait-and-see attitude of Marie-Christine allowed Leo to actively initiate interaction, as well as the introduction of personal space, in order to avoid over stimulation.
Leo was now on the mat. Marie-Christine talked briefly with his mother Evi and then looked at Leo. Leo was looking straight at his mother. Marie-Christine waited until Leo let his eyes rest on her and then addressed Leo. Leo seemed to be happy about the interaction, because he replied with a smile.
After a while Leo turned his gaze away to the window. Marie-Christine waited and after a while called for Leo to look at a toy train. Marie-Christine paused briefly until Leo turned to her once more. As before, Marie-Christine replied linguistically. Leo kept the eye contact for a long time and Marie-Christine offered him the ball as a toy. Leo looked at the ball and started to reach out slowly. It seemed to be exhausting to keep your arms up to grab the ball! Marie- Christine held the ball and waited, until Leo succeeded.
Leo played for some time while his mum and Marie-Christine discussed the further course of the familiarisation phase. His mum reported that Leo was doing well but would soon be hungry. For this reason, it would be a good idea to start the separation soon. Leo should not be challenged with two things at the same time: hunger and separation.
In the meantime, Leo lost the ball, so he was not occupied with nothing else but his beloved toy. This was a good time to introduce the separation.
Despite the fact that Leo had yet to understand the different verbal cues his mother was communicating to him, it was extremely important for young children to identify the departure of their main caretaker, in this case, his mum Evi. This ensured confidence in the relationship with his mother and was particularly evident in later situations when Leo was older. For Leo, a clear farewell was a sure structure, in which he could find his grounding.
When Evi finally said good-bye, Leo looked at her and then turned to look at Marie-Christine. With this, Leo was able to make sure that Marie-Christine would remain as a safe key person. Marie-Christine told Leo that his mother was now leaving and that she was to return soon. After a few seconds, Marie-Christine offered him the ball again.
Soon after, Marie-Christine prepared the bottle (Schoppen) for Leo. Leo was hungry and was already waiting impatiently for his meal. Marie-Christine offered him the bottle. From past experience, whenever he had had too much built-up anticipation, Leo would not able to consume his bottle right away. This, Marie-Christine had been informed of, based on what his mother Evi had previously told her. Marie-Christine then took Leo in her arms to a quieter spot so that he was able to calm down and relax. She then offered him the bottle again. Moments later, Leo started drinking his bottle.
After his bottle, Marie-Christine and Leo went back to the playing mat. Leo was content and Marie-Christine was lying next to Leo. Both were at the same height and there was constant eye contact between the two. Now and then, Marie-Christine acknowledged Leo’s attempt to communicate. This became more evident as Leo started to babble. He seemed very content.
Soon, Leo’s mum Evi came back to the room. The thirty minutes of the first separation were over. Leo greeted his mother with a smile and immediately turned his gaze back to Marie-Christine and then to the ball in his hand.
Leo had shown clear signs that a relationship had been established between him and Marie-Christine. Marie-Christine reciprocated the important eye contact through their farewell.
In this instance, Marie-Christine successfully handled and overcame the temporary, albeit demanding situation when it came to feeding Leo, based on his mother’s instructions.
This was the significance of a safe practice. Leo also expressed his well being through his “chattering”. The return of his mother indicated that the separation for Leo was associated with minimal anxiety. He greeted her happily, but could at once concentrate again on his toy.
When it comes to the familiarisation phase, it is important to observe and regard the many signs that the children send out. There is a possibility that children react at a delayed stage (even months later) to an unsuccessful adaptation. In Leo’s case, he had shown many signals which indicated that separation times could be increased for the following days.